Have you ever had the pleasure of a sharing a house or a room with someone? As we all know it can be testing at times, even when that roommate is somebody close to you.
My roommate moved in when I was about 13 and has stayed with me all my life. She is not like your conventional room-mate in that she actually lives in my head. You know the one, the roommate from hell, the inner critic who constantly has something to say and more often than not, it is not something nice.
As humans we started out as little bundles of joy, who were loved and adored and everyone thought we were wonderful little beings. As we got older, we became more annoying and were frequently scolded, ignored and ridiculed by teachers, peers and family members. As we continued to listen to the criticism and negativity, we began to experience self-doubt and our confidence and self-worth began to falter.
Growing up we were always thought that relationships are important, be nice to siblings, friends, but nobody ever tells you to be nice to yourself. The harder you were on yourself the better.
In the last year or 2 I have come to learn that self-love is key to our own happiness and those close to us. It doesn’t have to be a day in a spa – which of course would be lovely, but even little moments of time out for yourself. Your relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationship you have and in most cases it is the one we neglect the most. If I was to ask you to list all the things you love in the world, how long would it take until you mentioned yourself.
For many the inner voice kicks off first thing in the morning, before we even get out of bed, thoughts about going to work or an impending task that needs to be completed that day can kick start the negativity and immediately catapult us into a bad space, which will impact the rest of your day and more often than not those around you.
Did you know that every day we have up to 60,000 thoughts a day, of those 95% of them are repetitive thoughts and it is thought that 80% of them are negative thoughts. That’s a huge amount of negativity in any one day.
This year in particular, my inner critic has been having a field day, first of all I was made redundant earlier in the year, thankfully I had begun to do some work around the inner critic and had begun to understand who this inner critic was and how she operated and that I shouldn’t believe everything she says. Myself and herself had a bit of a punch up, after many rounds I won that one and instead of thinking I was useless at my job and therefore made redundant and would never find another one, I turned to looking at the redundancy as an opportunity to do something I really wanted to do.
Then I decided that I was going to set up my own life coaching business. Talk about giving my inner-critic an invitation to an open house. It has not been easy. For the last 19 years I have been able to hide behind the company I worked for, and now here I am exposed, naked to the world. I am not someone that likes to put myself “out there” and thoughts of networking and getting out there makes me come out in a cold sweat. Needless to say the critic is operating on full throttle, saying things like ‘who do you think you are, you are never going to achieve that’. For me it is an exciting time, a new start and I know I can’t be listening or believing this bully in my head or I won’t achieve what I want in life. At the end of the day I am the narrator of my own story and the story I tell myself has the power to shape my future and determine my destiny, so I am going to make sure it is going to be a good story.
For anyone else who may be plagued by their inner critic. it is time to take action, you need to take that power back for yourself and become a victor rather than a victim of your inner voice. It is possible to change that inner critic, so that it becomes more of a friend rather than your worst enemy. How many times have you questioned what your inner critic has to say to you. If your loved one said the same things to you, you would probably question and challenge them, so why not challenge your voices and ask yourself – is this really true what is being said to me? Writing it down and looking back over it, can help too and in many instances you will laugh at it as it seems so absurd. For me another thing I have done is I have named my critic, this helps to detach myself from her and observe what she is saying and actually tell her to shut up.
If any of this resonates with you and you would like to change the record that has been playing in your head, then life coaching can help you make that change. Please feel free to contact me for an initial consultation.
It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power – Robert T. Kiyosaki